Dinner and Toasts

Dinner and Toasts

When we got up to dinner, I was a little concerned about seating as I saw folks starting to squeeze up together, but I talked to myself and told myself that someone else would fix it.

We did dinner buffet style (leaving plates on the buffet, but silverware and glasses on the tables). There were pitchers of water on the tables as well as wine, and beer, lemonade and iced tea at a self serve bar on the side.

We didn't do assigned seating except for the head table so we were sure WE would have a place to sit. I loved being a part of the action and not alone with my bubbs, but away enough that our photographer captured both of our favorite shots from the wedding.

My brother ended up MCing the toasts and they were wonderful. My best friend, sister, BUbb's brother, my dad, step mom, and a couple other relatives made speeches. We only had one awkward "rachel getting married" speech, which is still talked about today, and I had a hilarious Uncle make a plug for his restaurant in his speech. I did ask my friend and sister to prepare toasts as well as Bubb's brother, but everyone else got up there on the spot.

*diy speaker system: the lake provided one sound system down by the lake for dancing, so my dad brought an amplifier he had laying around and a microphone and just set those up outside the house. It was free and a great easy solution for toasts.

Dinner was beautifully set up (though I wasn't thrilled with all of the colorful flowers strewn about after the fact, but in the moment I kept saying "it's so beautiful" in my post ceremony bliss) and most of it was delish. The local tri-tip was to die for.

(food photos NOT by Sabine Scherer, or how it was set up on the buffet)

I had secretly picked up one of our favorite bottles of expensive wine on the way up, so I surprised Bubbs with it and we drank that at dinner for a special treat, though the wine the guests enjoyed was another one of our favorites as well.

(I'm cooking a baby right now and that photo of dark red yumminess makes me CRAVE red wine)

Two big bummers with rentals: I ordered 10 glass pitchers for water on the tables and they delivered plastic ugly ones, the other was that I asked the rental place for large white porcelain bowls for serving dishes and again we ended up with ugly plastic. Shows you that you really need to double check that stuff if it matters. It didn't end up mattering at all.

The other big bummer was that the Lake staff was supposed to move the port-o-potty out of the way, but I guess they forgot, so it is in some of the photos as well as the caterer's truck. I was bummed about it a little during the dinner, but got over it quickly and don't think about it at all at this point.

When dinner was about over, my brother picked up the microphone and invited everyone to bring a bottle of wine from the table and their flowers down the hill for pie and dancing. I didn't ask him to do that, but he was so cute and it was a great idea (more flowers!) and really added to the group fun dynamic of the night.

Cocktail Hour

Cocktail Hour

All photos by Sabine Scherer

Another fabulous thing we did was have a cocktail hour. No "signature cocktails" for us, but we had a serve yourself wine, beer, lemonade, and iced tea bar with a ton of beautiful little snacks for our guests (our caterers really surprised us with the quality of these).

The photographer snapped a couple quick family pictures (when I say quick, I mean quick), my brother turned on "cocktail mix" on the ipod, and we snacked and chatted.

(Bubbs' Family)

(Gigi's Family)

We had a little hiccup with the music, my brother accidentally put on "wedding mix" which was for hardcore booty shaking that was to take place after dinner, but I sent a messenger to tell him, and he fixed it immediately.

Quite a few people started dancing, and while we weren't planning any sort of first dance or father daughter dance, they happened spontaneously and it was wonderful (though I have no memory of what the songs were and I'm sure they weren't meaningful in that way that a lot of people plan). It was also great b/c we didn't announce them, so we could dance without the whole wedding watching - though a lot of people started watching anyway.

(Bubbs dancing with my mom and guests mingling)

(A toddler centered group dance)

(Us dancing and ignoring the rest of the world)

(my dad getting his father-daughter dance)

At this point I had "assigned" a couple friends to take the white wine out of the fridge and put it on the tables, light the candles, and make sure that the caterer was ready. They gave us the okay and we had folks start up the hill to dinner.

For those Leonard Lake brides reading this and thinking about dinner up that hill, we did have another friend drive a car up the hill with my elderly grandmother and an aunt with a slight disability so they didn't have to hike, but everyone else was happy to trudge up the hill (including me and my hubbs).

Alone Time after the ceremony

Our Time on the Lake

(All photos by Sabine Scherer)

One of the best things we did (how many times have I said this so far?) was take a canoe ride out in to the lake right after the ceremony. We got to connect and relax together and rather than being bombarded by our guests, we got to sneak up on them as cocktail hour had already started.

When we got to the dock my brother had rigged up our canoe with champagne and champagne glasses - which was a great surprise.

My husband (yay) rowed us out into the lake, shook up the bottle, and popped it open.

We chatted and were excited to see all of our people and all of our work finally coming together. I had worried the whole time planning that I would forget something or that it would seem like a "fake" wedding. It didn't. It was magical.

(we found out months later that Bubb's dad was video taping us on the lake and somehow between the echo on the lake and his amazing video camera, he recorded most of what we were saying - so beware Leonard Lake couples :)

Our Vows, Rings, and Contract

Our Vows, Rings, and Contract

(All photos by Sabine Scherer)

After our fabulous officient transitioned us with something she wrote, we took turns repeating and "i do-ing":

Will you make a home together, grow old together, and during your lifetime make a difference in our world, living consciously and deliberately, surrounded by those you love?

Do you promise to work toward maintaining a peaceful home where you can go to rest, play, rejuvenate, and let go?

Do you promise to continue to contribute to maintaining a home, family, and a relationship as equally as you are able?

I vow to remain earnest in my desire to be socially conscious; to allow my heart to be pressed by the ills of the world, and to respond accordingly.

I promise to love our children unconditionally.

I promise to do my best to make each day better for you, even when I have little left to give.

I promise to learn from you, to communicate openly, and to honor our differences.

I promise to help you if you want to change, but never to try to change you.

I promise to make the effort to continue to bring joy, excitement, and playfulness to our relationship.

I promise to say nice things to you.

Do you choose each other as partners in a relationship built on respect, caring, and growth; through good times and hard times; as friends, companions, and partners; giving your best to fulfill your lives together?

I joyfully enter into this covenant and solemnly accept its obligations.

My promises to you, in the presence of loving family and friends, is valid and binding.

From this day forward, we are family.

We exchanged rings:

Let this ring serve as a reminder of the promises we just made.

We kissed!

We kissed some more (I had no idea I was getting so passionate)

We signed the Ketubah

And we ran down to the pier for our alone time in a canoe!

Our Homegrown Schmoop

Our Homegrown Schmoop

(All photos by Sabine Scherer)

At one point we realized that our vows were very concrete, they didn't talk about how much we loved each other, but they were promises we were making. We decided to add a "schmoopy" section where we would profess our love to each other openly before the vows.

I forgot mine. Yup - I forgot my schmoop. I had printed it out, and remember putting it in the book with our vows, but somehow it got misplaced. I didn't get to read it during the ceremony. I was so proud of it and had been compiling it for the months leading up to the wedding. Here they are (I gave them to him after the fact and posted them on our wedding website after the fact).

Since we’ve been together good things just happen.

It’s because I’m with the person I’m supposed to be with.

When we met, I was settled into myself, figured out what truly made me happy, where I needed to be, and what I needed to be doing.

Then I met you.

And nothing changed.

I got to keep being myself and being true to myself, but now I get someone to share my life with.

I love you because you understand and share my meaning of life.

I love you because we share the same dreams.

I love you because of your sense of justice and your commitment to fighting injustice.

I love you because you suggest having “the cousins” over and call my mom when you read a poem she’d like.

I love you because you write lullibys for Darian when you hear she isn’t sleeping well.

I love you because you buy all your clothes at thrift stores, but can easily spend $40 on a bottle of wine because you know what really matters.

I love you because you can write a song that gets me through a difficult time – and it really works.

I love you because you would give up anything to be with me.

Because I love you, I would give up anything to be with you.

Even though we love each other enough to give up anything for each other, neither of us would ever ask the other to do so.

I am greatful that you grew up in a world like mine, full of unconditional love.

I am thrilled that we found each other and thrilled that I get to become a family with you today.

I love you – let’s get married.

After I blubbered out "I love you, I love you, I love you, I can't believe I forgot to bring my schmoop", Bubbs, pulled his moleskin notebook from his jacket pocket and read his.

I love you for so many reasons, and in so many ways that writing this has been almost impossible.

My journals are full of lists of the reasons: like the time we rolled down the windows and sang Christmas carols at the top of our lungs at every red light in the city; like how you know how to make me stay in bed when I’m sick and bored; like the way you commit to something and put everything you have into it—whether it is putting together a protest in the city, or a wedding, or even a picnic in the park with Darian. I admire that when you want something—it happens. I could go on and on but we have the next 65 years or so for you to inspire me to write songs about how I love you.

So, I’ll sum it up. Besides being crazy, irrationally in love with you, I love how we are good friends, a good team. I love how well we work together when there is a problem; how well we celebrate when it is time to celebrate; how on the normal, everyday days we talk about our days, and eat popcorn and watch documentaries in bed, and rub the knots out of each other’s neck, and listen to each other like good friends do.

You’ve made me the happiest I’ve ever been, and I hope I can keep making you as happy for the rest of our lives.

Marriage Equality Vows

Marriage Equality Vows

During our engagement gay marriage became legal in California and the right was voted away as well. Bubbs and I talked a lot about our discomfort getting married as our close friends and family couldn't. The issue was at the forefront and only days before the wedding, the legality of Prop 8 (the proposition that took away the right in CA)was "confirmed" by a judge, so it weighed heavy on us.

At first we considered asking for donations to the cause in lieu of gifts. This was logistically difficult as the issue was so dynamic, we couldn't figure out which organization to support!

We finally agreed to take a Marriage Equality vow during our ceremony. We asked our friend (party responsible for our meeting) to say a few words.

When I get emails about the fight for equal rights to marry, this vow comes back to me.

Marriage Equality Vow:

After the final blessing from our family, our friend stood up.

Tim and Regina would like to acknowledge that not everyone can legally get married to the person that they love. As they celebrate their love and join their families together today and this marriage is recognized, by the state of California, Tim and Regina, along with vowing to be together for the rest of their lives, also vow to work
toward and fight for marriage equality.

Goodridge v. Department of Public Health, the 2003 case in which the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court held that the state may not deny the protections, benefits, and obligations of civil marriage to same-sex couples:

We share a common humanity… Simple principles of decency dictate that we extend to the plaintiffs, and to their new status, full acceptance, tolerance, and respect. We should do so because it is the right thing to do. The union of two people “is a coming together for better or for worse, hopefully enduring, and intimate to the degree of being sacred.

It is an association that promotes a way of life, not causes; a harmony in living, not political faiths; a bilateral loyalty, not commercial or social projects. Yet it is an association for as noble a purpose as any involved in our prior decisions.

Coming up, we profess our love and get down to business (the vows)...

A Very Modern, Totally Untraditional Seven Blessings

A Very Modern, Totally Untraditional Seven Blessings

The Seven Blessings:

(All photos by Sabine Scherer)

We then had our families bless us with a reading of their choice. We didn't know what people were going to read. We tried to ask folks, but most of them wrote what they were going to say, and we figured that we might as well be surprised!

It was wonderful because we were SO present because it was all new to us. Each guest was touched by something different and we heard from a lot of people that they really felt like they got to know our individual family members by their blessing.

Bubbs' Father & Step-Mother:

Bubbs and Gigi, Barbara and I are filled with joy and thanksgiving as we give you our blessing on this, your wedding day. We celebrate with you the promises and hopes your love and commitment bring as you become husband and wife today. Each of you brings wonderful gifts and strengths to your marriage. Together you will encourage and inspire each other to grow more loving and giving through the years. Our blessing for you is upon your tender love now and upon the joy and fulfillment you will experience as this love increases and changes.

Bubbs, as your father, I have been blessed by you from the time your mother and I learned our first baby was on the way. We have shared the blessings of your childhood, the struggles of your teen years, and your accomplishments of your adult years. Your music and your work have inspired and blessed so many of us. May you continue to find new and exciting ways to receive and give blessings with Regina in your marriage.

Gigi, even before we met I felt that you were a woman with a tender heart and had many gifts and abilities. The more I get to know you the more I see these fine qualities in your work, your family, and with Bubbs as your beloved husband. Our blessings for you is that you find the job, fulfillment and love that you hope and dream to have with Bubbs in your marriage and with your children who may come to bless your home.

May God bless you, Bubbs and Gigi, from this beautiful day and throughout your years of loving and growing together in a blessed marriage.

I offer these blessings, Bubbs, as your dad, and Gigi, as your most thankful parents – in – law.

Gigi's Dad & Step-mother:

They edited "The Optimist's Creed" to read a little differently:

Together be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.

Together talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet.

Together make all your friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.

Together look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.

Together think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best.

Together be just as enthusiastic about the success of each other as you are about your own.

Together forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future.

Together wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile to every living creature you meet.

Together give so much time to improving yourself that you have no time to criticize others.

Together be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

Together think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world, not in loud word, but in great deeds.

Together live in the faith that the whole world is on your side, so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

(we ended up hugging everyone at the end of their blessing. It was such a warm and genuine natural thing to do - so we did it)

Gigi's Brother:

Read something he wrote - but for some reason I can't get him to send it to me :)

Bubbs's Brother & Wife:

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,

or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,

in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms

but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,

risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

-Pablo Neruda

Gigi's Sister and family:

My sister came up with her beautiful very hip family and played Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" and her Ipod. The tired flower girl didn't wake up for one second.

Bubbs' Mom:

We were basing this off the seven blessings in the Jewish tradition, so Bubbs' mom chose a traditional Jewish Blessing:

May your marriage enrich your lives.

May you work together to build a relationship of substance and quality.

May the honesty of your communication build a foundation of understanding,connection, and trust.

May you respect each other's individual personality and philosophy, and give each other room to grow and fulfill each other's dreams.

May your sense of humor and playful spirit continue to enliven your relationship.

May you understand that neither of you is perfect: you are both subject to human frailties; and may your love strengthen when you fall short of each other's expectations.

May you be "best friends", better together than either of you are apart.

Gigi's Mom:

Gigi, you’ve found a lover who can’t take his eyes off you, and he knows he ain’t seen nothing yet. You’ve found a man who wants to spend the rest of his life discovering you. I’ve spent more than half my life discovering you so far, and I’ve learned more about you and me and the world than I ever thought possible in one relationship.

Bubbs, you have the incredible opportunity with Regina to watch the flowering of a human so precious as to be so susceptible to the slightest breeze that she becomes untethered and so fierce that she is often still standing when all around her have fallen.

I am honored that you are becoming family to my daughter Bubbs, because I see that you get it . You know the value of her.

We joke that Gigi (always acting out of form) is marrying her mother. Yoga, meditation, folk music, hiking – the only thing missing is the hip pack.

But I’m relieved. I need a vacation, and I’ll never take one until my babies are safe.

My heart swells and rests to know you Bubbs, The honor you offer to the planet, to the people you love, to the workers you represent and most of all to my precious Gigi.- these make you worthy of the responsibility of being the name on her emergency card. If I can’t be called first, I’m sure glad that you will be. And really, since you’ve been in our lives I’ve gotten so few calls.

I welcome you Bubbs to the complexity that is our world. It’s never been neat. It’s rarely been merely pretty, our lives in this family are spectacular. We can reach for the edge because we have a center. And through it all, the center will hold.

May you have a long life together,
May you share your growth with one another and receive one another’s growth with joy and excitement
May you wonder every day what glorious discovery you’ll make about each other and know you never need to stop.
May you know that my commitment to your family is complete and I offer all I have to support you,
May you treat each and every day you have together as if it is both the first and the very last.

More ceremony to come...

Walking down the Aisle and Introductions

Walking down the Aisle & Introduction

The walk

(all amazing perfect photos by Sabine Scherer Photography)

I hadn't originally thought that we would have anyone walk down the aisle (my bridesmaids had small children and didn't have matching dresses), but in the end, we decided that Bubbs' more traditional family would want to, so we had immediate family lead us down the aisle.

Our guests heading to the ceremony site

My grandmother and grandfather (who has since passed)

My mother and brother

My sister and the very tired flower girl

My step-mother and step-sisters

Bubbs' mother and brother

Bubbs' father

Standing watching everyone walk down - it became so real at this moment and I broke down with a few tears.

My dad was really cute and just said to me "you look pretty."

I think I replied, "you look pretty, too."

I didn't pull it together as I walked down the aisle. I continued crying and as I hit the back aisle, I started crying harder. I blurted out "I'm already crying" and our entire family laughed.

Introduction:

One of my favorite cousins was officiating our ceremony (she's become quite the professional with 5 weddings under her belt) and she began with something she wrote:

Good afternoon everybody. Gigi and Bubbs are so happy you could all make it for this weekend of celebration. Today is a very special day for them, and it is fundamental to them that we are all present for it. We are all here because Bubbs and Gigi understand the importance of gathering their families and friends for this occasion.

They are both incredibly open and loving people who understand the value of maintaining close relationships with their friends and families. Since meeting one another, Bubbs and Gigi have welcomed each others friends and families as if they were his and her own. We, as their loved ones, benefit from the opportunity to not only be a part of their lives but to be a part of lives that surround theirs.

Today, Gigi and Bubbs embark on a new leg of their journey together. We all know that they have already begun building a future together. And, the reality is, that in standing here today in front of all of you, they are including you in their decision to make a commitment. They are telling you that you are a part of their decision to spend their lives together, and in affirming this decision out loud with you today, they are asking you for your support.

Pre-Ceremony Pictures

Pre-Ceremony Portraits

(All photos by Sabine Scherer)

I hate getting my picture taken. I’ve never liked my posed smiles (I used to practice when I was a teenager b/c I hated it so much).

Sabine was WONDERFUL and though I had too much adrenaline running through my veins to really remember taking pictures, she gave me lots of instruction on where to stand and where to put my hands and how to smile. Thank goodness.

Bubbs and I were planning on having a first look. At first I was against it, but did not want to take the time after the ceremony to take pictures, so we did and it was a GREAT decision.

The logistics made our first look awkward and not surprising. My mom got involved, the photographer’s tried to hide me, but none of it worked. He saw me, it was weird, but we moved on.

We took our couple shots and to be honest I don’t really remember any of the taking pictures part. I was too excited and anxious!

When they were done with our pictures, Bubbs and I went and got a glass of wine (beer for him) and found an empty room in the Big House. We just sat there for a minute and talked. We were way ahead of schedule, so he and I ducked out and played a game of ping pong. Just as we were about to go back in the house the photographer showed up and got some of our favorite fun pics of the day!

Getting ready with a tired two year old

Getting Ready with a Tired Two Year Old

After I got to my sister and friend's cabin (bloody mary in hand), I plugged in the hot rollers to warm up. I had practiced my hair quite a few times. My practice runs were with an old hot roller set of my mom's, but for the wedding, my sister brought her larger, newer set (with a lot more rollers).

I watched this video a few months before to learn how to get the right kind of curls and practiced. The video was VERY helpful.

After teaching my sister how to get the back up in curlers (while my brother-in-law desperately tried to get my niece to take a bath or a nap), we sat down for some makeup time.

I did my face makeup, but left my eyes to my sister (who has some mad eyeshadow skills). I don't seem to make it dark enough for photos.

We had planned to have Sabine, our photographer, take 'getting ready' photos of both of us, but I got a little insecure and just went on getting ready without the coordinator letting her know I was ready.

I was a little nervous and didn't want a stranger in there with us. Now that I know Sabine, I wish I would have made a different choice, but luckily, my best friend took a couple pics.

I was in "go" mode at this point - nervous about timing

My perfect niece using what she calls "beauty" and what my husband calls a "torture device"

Watching as a line of cars starts to drive up the path to the ceremony site

No lip color for me, just plain ole carmex

When we were done with my makeup, my sister gave my curlers one last INTENSE spray, and we took them out. I wasn't thrilled with the result. They were way less "soft" than my trial runs, but there wasn't much to do about it at this point, so I decided just not to look in the mirror again.

I had made my own fascinator (or distractor as my husband call it), and had always planned on wearing it with the flower behind my ear and the "veil" over my eye. Last minute, I decided to flip it around. I just went with it.

I was supposed to leave my dress hanging for a "dress pic", but decided to put it on. Right after I put it on, a couple of friends drove up, our photographer walked in, my mom came into the cabin we were getting dressed in and my sister asked my niece if she wanted to put on her tutu.

I held my breath. My niece over the last four months had screamed whenever we brought her tutu near her.

She nodded her head and SMILED as she put it on! I totally broke into my first tears of the day - I was so thrilled.

Sabine Scherer Photography

Sabine Scherer Photography

My best friend pinned me into my dress (after running around for a safety pin for 20 minutes).*

Sabine took a couple more photos inside, and it was finally time to get my groom!

Up next: First Look Double Take and Portraits

*never EVER ignore advice to have an emergency bridal kit ready.

Setting up the wedding ourselves

Setting Up Our Wedding Ourselves

Tired Gigi having breakfast with Bubbs

The key to calmness for a micromanaging party planner is to keep repeating to yourself, "There's nothing left for me to do. It's all in the hands of my coordinator. I did my job, my binder's complete. Stick to the schedule."

This went through my head all day, and it worked. I was cool as a cucumber. Okay - I snapped once. But that's not bad.

The morning of the wedding, I woke up exhausted. Since we arrived at Leonard Lake, I hadn’t slept. I kept going over all the work that had to be done. I wasn’t stressing out during the day, but it all crept up when I was supposed to be sleeping.

Cousins making pankcakes

Some of our amazing cousins planned a breakfast for all 60 overnight guests, so when I woke up, I took a shower, got dressed and headed down to the big house.

An amazing fruit salad

We had rented a 100 person coffee pot and I brought my favorite STRONG coffee so I started the pot while everyone else milled around.

My brother in law and my husband doing some morning yoga (you have no idea how rare it is for my brother in law to do yoga).

I drank my coffee and tried to zen out since I knew the rest of the day would be insane.

I brought out my “binder” and it started getting passed around. People were teasing me, but my 20 page, sheet protected binder was VERY helpful. If anything, it could have had more detail in it.

I had written out a detailed schedule for the day, so at 11am exactly, I grabbed my “décor” team and we went to go set up the tables.

Originally, I had asked four people to help set up the tables, another five to set up the reception, and three to set up the ceremony. The reality was that just about everyone who was there helped set up in some way – and we needed them!

I had hired a friend of the family to come help coordinate the day of. I have a lot of type A family members and I wanted one point person. I also didn’t want to micromanage set up – which I knew I would probably end up doing. I told her that if anyone had questions they should go to her, and if she didn’t know the answer, to make it up.

At around noon, I made my husband to be a plate of cheese and fruit and delivered it to him as he was running behind schedule and hadn’t eaten. I went down to my sister and my best friend’s cabin and they were having ribs and a cheese plate. I snuck in on that action. My best friend's husband is a well established chef (a michelin star and four stars in the LA times) and LOVES to feed people. Another friend was having noon bloody mary’s outside their rented RV, and I took them up on that offer as well.

After doing one last run around through the site, it looked like things were coming together. My mom and my aunt both came up to me as I was doing my last look over and asked where I wanted certain candles. I remember just looking at them both kind of stupefied and thinking to myself “as if I care about stupid candles right now.”

I told them that I wasn’t answering questions anymore and they should ask Lisa, the coordinator. My cousin Stephanie was also taking charge in an amazing way.

I finally just walked away – I decided that rather than getting dressed by myself, as planned, I would get dressed with my sister and friend in their cabin.

Up next: Getting Ready with a Tired Two Year Old

How did you get your "vision" across to your guests OR FAQ's

How to tell your guests about your unique wedding or FAQ's

I was just over at weddingbee and one of the bloggers was writing about selling her guests on her camping wedding.

We had a similar situation.

When I started getting questions on email or through my mom, it became clear to me that people were not checking our blog (where it was spelled out pretty clearly), or I started worrying that I wasn't clear enough, or even worse (and this was one of my constant fears), that my wedding seemed disorganized and sloppy.

I gathered the email addresses of all the guests (yes, this was time consuming and frustrating). I then created an FAQ that I send out in the body of the email as well as posted a link to it on our blog. It finally increased traffic to the blog (having it six times on our invitations didn't really seem to do anything :).

I sent an email once right after the save the dates went out, again once people got their invitations, and a final time about a week before the wedding.

There were still people who were calling trying to figure it all out.

Great thing was: people had an amazing time - they were thrilled to be part of such a unique experience, and so many said they wanted multi-day weddings to be a new tradition in the family.

*my relatives who got hotel rooms realized their mistake after getting to the location (9 miles on a dirt road with a creek crossing) - we luckily were able to find space for them at the site, so no one was driving back into town late at night. I did my part in warning them and let them do their thing, though - no more stressing after I had done the warning.

Frequently Asked Questions

Bubbs and Gigi are getting married!

What is Lake Leonard Reserve?

Lake Leonard Reserve is a private retreat located in inland Mendocino County. We will have exclusive use of the entire property for the weekend, including the largest natural lake in Mendocino County, canoes and kayaks, ping pong, badminton, a “rustic” tennis court, numerous camping sites, and five beautiful houses. The nearest town with services is Ukiah, roughly a 30-minute drive from Lake Leonard. Lake Leonard does not have a website with information, so if you have questions, please feel free to call us or email us.

The road up to Lake Leonard lake is a narrow, winding, single-lane gravel and dirt road with a stream crossing.

Pets are not allowed, babies and children are welcome.

How are you fitting your entire family in one place?

We aren’t. Unfortunately, we can’t fit everyone at Lake Leonard. We wish we could invite everyone, but we'll celebrate together in the fall at a large potluck celebration in Golden Gate Park where the entire Wertz clan can fit.

What should I bring?

For everyone:

* Food – we will be providing dinner on Saturday night.You should coordinate with your housemates on food/drink (we’ll let you know as soon as we do who those people are).
* Flashlight and batteries
* Your bathing suit
* One party outfit (with sweater, we’ll be outside)
* Towels for outdoor use
* Games – bocce, croquet, Frisbee, board games

For those of you staying in a loft you might also want to bring:

* Sleeping bag
* Air mattress/sleeping pad
* Dishes for you (there should be enough, but we are packing them in the lofts – if you have camping dishes, it might be a good idea to pack them)

For those of you camping:

* Prepare for camping – you can use the bathrooms and kitchen in the houses.

What is provided at Lake Leonard?

* Full kitchens in all the houses (refrigerators, stoves, sinks, coffee makers, etc)
* Full bathrooms in all the houses
* Bed linens (for those who have beds – if you are sleeping on your own air mattress or are camping, you need to bring your own)
* Bath linens (to be used indoors only)
* Canoes, kayaks, water noodles
* Firewood
* Dinner & drinks Saturday night

How do I book a room?

Your accommodations at Lake Leonard are being hosted. You do not need to call to make a reservation - we have already booked all of the accommodations at Lake Leonard. It is a priority for us that immediate family over the age of 35 getting first choice at rooms. There are no “private” houses at Lake Leonard, but there are limited private rooms. If you RSVP online early, you can list your housing preference and we do our best to accommodate you.

We will be sending out formal invitations in February and the sleeping arrangements will be revealed them (if you need to know earlier, send us an email).

We would prefer that everyone stay on site as the road is dangerous and dark at night, but if you love staying in motels in Ukiah, feel free to book a hotel room (and promise not to drink and drive). A couple people are staying in RV’s (you are welcome to do that as well).

What about food for the weekend?

We are providing dinner and drinks on Saturday night after the ceremony. For all other meals, you could coordinate with your housemates on that, or you can plan for yourself. There are quite a few grocery stores in Ukiah that you will pass by on your way. Once you get to Lake Leonard, you will probably want to stay, so pick up food on the way. (See Google Map for grocery store locations).

How far is Lake Leonard Reserve from my house?

* San Francisco: 2 ½ hours
* Sacramento: 2 ½ hours
* Oakland Airport: 2 ½ hours
* Santa Rosa Airport: 1 hour

What will the weather be like?

In the last 10 years it has not rained on May 30th in Redwood Valley. The average daily high is 76 degrees (the last two years it has been in the low-mid 80’s).

If you have other questions, leave a comment below and we will answer them here.

A wedding without favors is...a wedding

Forget the favors

We didn't have wedding favors.

This was our logic in making the decision:

1) People wouldn't notice and $70 could buy more wine (which they would appreciate).

2) Most likely the favors would be bad for the planet. It's hard to buy 70 of something and have it not have a negative footprint. In my blog searching I found "sustainable" favors like coasters that compost into wildflowers, redwood tree seedlings, soy candles, or pine cone roses. While all of those are lovely, I knew it would be a waste of money and giving people stuff just for stuff's sake is usually wasteful - something we were trying to avoid.

3) If I had DIY energy left, I wanted to put it into something useful and I just can't see the "use" in favors (my husband teases me all the time that I'm too practical).

No one noticed, I didn't feel insecure about it, and we saved at least $70. Which, when you're planning a wedding, can be VERY helpful.

Wooden Table Dilemma

Wooden Table dilemma

Well, there actually wasn't much of a dilemma.

One of my dream 'if I had a million dollars' changes I would have made would have been to have picnic or beautiful wooden tables instead of the cheap rentals that we had.

Because we rented standard 8' long tables, we had to cover them in tablecloths, which were expensive, so we went with white (and saved HUNDREDS of dollars). But natural wood would have looked AMAZING at our rustic outdoor eco-friendly reception.

While having our wedding in a small community saved us A TON of money on catering, housing, thrift store finds, wine, beer, etc, we spent more money on rentals because there was only one game in town. And, they only had white chairs (I would have loved natural dark wooden ones).

I could have shipped picnic tables and benches in from san francisco for $60 each and hundreds in delivery (not to mention the destruction it would cause to send a huge truck three hours just to deliver tables)

Did it ruin my wedding - heck no!

But...as I was reading through indiebride, I remembered this beautiful wedding tablescape that blew my mind. And every time I see a beautiful table with simple flowers I can't wait for my next dinner party.

The point of this all: I still look at wedding pictures and love to get inspiration and ideas. But I don't long for another wedding - mine was perfect. I just get to keep having beautiful parties with the best looking tables possible!

Loving this 'staged' wedding found on Style Me Pretty - another amazing natural table.

Wedding Music Video

Wedding Music Video - Sneak Peak

Our amazing friends/guests Juliet and Jack gave us a copy of this video. More videos to come.

(edited as the first video was cut off halfway through)

Guest Book Alternatives

Guest Book Alternatives

From Bubbs:
This is a pic of our wedding guest book--hand made from leopard wood and leather on archival paper.

Gigi and I went to a participatory art night at SFMOMA a few months ago and saw these journals these journals that an artist distributed all over the country and people passed around and filled up, then mailed back to him. They were full of poems and drawings and random writing. That inspired us to think a little differently about the wedding guest book.

So, I just ordered a handmade journal from etsy seller julie boyles for everyone to write/draw etc. in while staying with us over the wedding weekend.

From Gigi:
We had the guest book on the big house porch for most of the weekend (though we really saw most people fill it up the day they were leaving.

I ordered cute little wooden pencils from ebay (colored and regular) and left them along with the journal.

We got amazing stuff. After Bubbs and I packed up on Monday morning and were driving the van down the bumpy dirt road, I opened the journal and started reading. We both started crying as we read the wonderful things people wrote. They reminisced about the weekend, the wedding, the love that filled the air.

That 'love in the air' thing that happened at the wedding, we can recreate it anytime just by opening our guest book.

Finding Wedding Supplies in the strangest places

Flea Market Tips

We purchased MOST of our vases second hand at garage sales, thrift stores, or craigslist.

Our tips:

1) find out what it would cost to rent or buy the item new. Set that price for yourself. With vases we had a .25 cent rule (up to $1.00 if we LOVED the vase). We were thinking of doing mix and match plates, but when renting them was .60 cents each and most thrift stores had them for 1.00 each - we decided to rent. Mason jars were about .33 cents each when we first bought them, so we stuck with that price.

2) Shop around. We live in San Francisco and the prices at thrift stores seem too high. We would take day trips to Vallejo (a nearby town), sonoma county, and mendocino county and always stop at thrift stores. Their prices were MUCH more reasonable.

3) Keep your eye on craigslist. When we were searching for mason jars I would make that the first thing I did when I got on my computer. I found great deals there.

The weekend wedding

The Weekend Wedding

I fully believe that one of the most important elements to our wedding being the success that it was, was the three day element.

Folks came up as early as Friday morning and stayed until Sunday evening. This was great because:

1) That magic wedding love surrounded us for three days. Before our wedding, when people would talk about their wedding being the best day of their lives, I was skeptical. I hope my life continues to get better, but I have to say that my wedding weekend WAS by far the best time I've ever had. Everyone there was there to party, play, and love on my husband and I. What more could anyone want?

2) Our families REALLY got to know each other. They may have shared a meal, or helped a different child get a fish hook out of their finger, or set up a table together. My family has stories of Tim's family and vice versa. They ask about each other. It's great.

3) I got to enjoy the entire weekend. I didn't have to visit tables during the reception and not eat because I had already said hello to people!

4) People were committed to being there. It was a long haul and most people were confused about how it worked (I sent many a clarifying email). But they loved us and they wanted to be there. And we heard (and continue to hear) nothing but GUSHING about how wonderful it was.

The perfect weekend wedding location

The perfect weekend wedding location

Before we found Leonard Lake, we searched for the perfect spot. And when I say searched - I was a GOOGLE MACHINE!

What did a perfect spot mean?

- we could host accommodations for everyone (the economy hit people hard - we didn't want anyone to have to forgo being part of our event because of their financial situation)

- people could cook their own food (we knew we couldn't afford catering for more than one meal)

- my grandmother would be willing to stay there (she has high standards)

- it was natural and beautiful (so we could have an outdoor ceremony and didn't need too much decor)

- there was a place to swim

- it was less than $6,000 to rent the entire place for two nights (including accommodations). Our budget was REALLY tight. We didn't want to spend more than 10,000 TOTAL (including EVERYTHING).

One of the things that was impossible to find when I was looking for our location was a single location for ideas of places to stay.

Here's a list of where we looked (we're in Northern California).

We were seriously considering

Dawn Ranch Lodge
This ended up being way too expensive for us. Also there was no cooking option for our guests.

Rancho Cicada Retreat
We never actually went to see it, but there was a max of 60 people that could stay and we had about 80 on our guest list (though we ended up with only 60 people staying anyway). It could have been within our price range though. The housing was also a little rustic, but I think there is a B&B nearby that some people can stay at.

Trinity Mountain Resort
I've seen a ton of great weddings here on indiebride. This site would have been perfect as well, but the price was just too high. They really seem to cater to whatever you want - looks like a dream.

Camp Gualala
This would have been VERY affordable (and I went to 6th grade camp here a million years ago), but no alcohol is allowed - so it counted that out. They would prepare food for you for very cheap here as well (or you could just use the kitchen).

We ended up going with the perfect, wonderful, amazing Leonard Lake Reserve

It fit all of our criteria. It's not perfect for everyone (the 9 miles dirt road that crosses a creek as one example), but it was perfect for us.

There were more (I'll keep posting and at some point have a map and chart with all of them there), but these were my top choices.

If you have another site you were looking at, let me know and I'll post it here!

Edited to add:
After seeing this wedding on Southern Weddings Magazine blog, it looks like Nestledown would be a great place for a Homegrown Wedding.

Edite to add:
In a search for a perfect little mini-vacation spot, I found this...seems like a great spot for a homegrown wedding:
http://www.creeksideinn.com/blog/

DIY Flowergirl Dress OR Make Your Own Tutu

DIY Flowergirl Dress / Make your own tutu

My niece is one of my favorite people on the planet. She was an automatic flower girl - and by that I mean - I really just wanted to pick out her outfit.

When I started searching for flower girl dresses I came up with a LOT of cute dresses, but they were expensive. Some were hundreds of dollars. Which seemed insane for a dress she would wear once.

One of the most important things to us during the planning of our wedding, was that we not put our guests in a situation where they had to spend a lot of money to enjoy our wedding. The economy has hit our family and friends hard - we wanted them to come party and not think twice.

I LOVE Etsy.com. When I started searching there for dresses, I came up with the idea of making my own tutu for my niece. When I was a little girl I would have LOVED a tutu.

I did a google search for "make your own tutu" and found this.

Tutu making seemed easy!

I purchased the tulle (for about 7 dollars) at a discount fabric store in the Mission District in San Francisco along with some elastic. I alternated different colors. It took about ten minutes.

When I brought it for my niece to try on she screamed and hated it (it did look a little scary). She's also not old enough to like dress up yet (but she does love belts).

We tried to have her try it on several more times, but she just didn't want it. I bought her a cute white shirt and cute brown shoes at Target and hoped for the best. Her mom brought her easter dress as a backup.

Fast foward to two hours before wedding. I was in my dress, ready to get pictures taken, and it was time for my flowergirl to put on her dress.

She put it on. Then found my mom's black high heels and started walking around saying "look at my SHOES"

I started sobbing.

I think my quote was "Yay - you made gigi happy! You look so pretty" and I truly was :)

Finally, Our Dance Mix

FINALLY - Our Dance Mix

Finally, here is our mix:

Cocktail Hour Mix:

Dance Mix: